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Within seconds of meeting him, I was nearly on the floor laughing. The guy working the front desk, Gordon, was a former drag queen with strong Harvey Fierstein vibes. From the outside, there was no indication that dozens of beefy dudes were letting their testicles hang low by the pool within. Jeffrey, Island House's General Manager, picked up me and my boyfriend, Jonzu, at the airport, and drove us 15 minutes to the resort, which was tucked away in an otherwise residential area. As I got ready, I mentally and physically braced myself for a Hell's Kitchen experience I even squeezed in an extra trip to the gym beforehand, as if that would do anything! I didn’t want to travel down to Florida to get rejected with my dick hanging out, which feels especially personal.įrom Island House’s website, I couldn’t get a sense of the vibe. I bring this all up because I worried that Island House-and all of Key West, for that matter-would be like Hell’s Kitchen.
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(Sir, you and your mean-girl clique could have saved money by drinking vodka sodas at home if all you wanted to do was talk to each other! But I digress.) Yet, despite my appearance, I still feel wildly insecure in these spaces when I approach someone I find cute, they'll often look me up and down, their demeanor giving off a “Why did you bother coming up to me?” vibe. Ironically, if anyone could have an easier time going out in these places, it would be me. The venues tend to consist of identical-looking Ken Dolls-the kind of guys who put "no fats" and "masc only" in their Scruff bios. The crowds are why I steer clear of going out in Hell’s Kitchen and West Hollywood, the gay clubbing capitals of New York City and Los Angeles, respectively. (This was right before the Omicron explosion, FYI.)īut after I agreed to attend, I got a little anxious: namely, over what the crowd would be like. Food, drinks, naked men, Florida sunshine: it sounded like a queer man’s paradise.
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The place describes itself as a sex-positive, clothing-optional resort for men my friends have described it as "much chiller than any Atlantis cruise."Īfter the Men's Health story ran, Island House invited me to come down for a few days to get the full experience. But there was one I added, Island House, that I hadn't been to, although I felt like I had, given how much my friends had gushed about the Key West destination over the years. I've been on more than a few such vacations myself, and included some of my faves on the list. © 2015-2022.Last year, I was tasked with writing a list of the best sex resorts for Men's Health. All models appearing on this website are over 18 y.o.
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